Rest in Peace, Nik...

"My musical journey started back in 2004, where I was just probably still a slob, had no directions and was still a stressful kid".

I was so stupid back then, but that is to be expected because I did not receive any education about it at all - about guitars and musical instruments.






















For the longest time in my life, I had this thought - a funny one actually.

You know as kids, you see and perhaps you'll only see electric guitars on TV, played by a certain people in the society called musicians or entertainers.

Just Blink 182 performing.

I chose this band because, it was the time when I started playing

the guitar and I learnt their songs first.

Ahhh the sweet memories..

And guess what, I was so stupid that time. Unless you're raised by a family of musicians, you will never know the origin or any shit about guitars - like me. To an extent where I thought you some sort of license to own one.

How noob and stupid of me..

But it was until I have met this friend of mine, Nik Hanif, who owned electric guitars, plays them (he's really good at it) educated me on music and guitars when I just moved to Puchong. It was a historic moment that one day, out of nowhere, he invited me to his place and check his guitar out.

I was stunned, I was excited, I was happy, just like a baby. That particular moment back in 2004 really felt like you have found a long lost pillow that you loved and needed; the one you had when you were a baby.

That time, I didn't feel like I have found an extension of myself yet. But Nik and Andrew; both

my schoolmates that time really helped me - they shaped my playing style, pushed me to improve

my playing and helped me discover different genres.

Alas, I am who I am thanks to them; especially Nik.

Of course the one who triggered me to take a liking for guitars is my cousin, but as it seemed, he did not want to share much I guess.. He was also doing it for fun.

Little that I know, I became better.

All because thanks to Nik.

He owned one nearly exactly like this if my memory serves me right.

It was different, it was awesome, and it was the first ever electric guitar which I have held and played.

It was so stunning to see Nik played Metallica and other tunes to it.

"I want to be able to play too",
that was what I told myself.

Yes. We didn't meet alot after we graduate from school. All I knew was he was doing different jobs at times. I couldn't be bothered by some of his comments in FB too because.. reasons.

But I do have in mind that I will want to meet him, probably treat him a dinner, and thank him for making me what I am now. I wanted to actually thank him for introducing me guitar - which is now an extension of myself......

But it's too late..

11.18 a.m. today, Saturday, 2019.

His family members weren't the only one who's devastated of the event, but I, too, felt it.

Nik passed away of asthma attack.

I think this is my first time ever to wake up to someone's death, and a friend's too..

....and it was hard for me.

So I shared it with mama. She mentioned 1 thing, as an asthma patient.

"It is not easy to die through asthma. It'll be hard, but you can hardly die from it actually".

I kind of agree with that. Death caused by asthma is quite rare these days.

And because of these words.. It got me think.

Did you purposely do that, Nik?

I have a little hunch that you might have chosen the path you took on purpose..

If so, did we probably have the same thought? In a way, the same desire? The same goal?..

Did you found out the truth?

Well, who are we, as humans to judge right?
But even so, regardless, I am happy for you..

Happy for you to finally be able to have a good, proper rest..

Because as far that I might have known you, you're a restless one.

Always get punished back during school for being a delinquent...

Yet, still managed to stay awesome for it..

Deep down inside, I am a little jealous of you.

You have attitude, and it's an awesome one.

The way you speak is different,

The vibe you produce is different,

The sound you make lingers longer than usual,

..and I can still hear those voices from the past.

I wept, Nik. Because I looked up to you. I respected you for who you are, and the path you chose.

I believe everyone who knows you can agree that,

You are something else.

You see my friend.. my life itself wasn't being kind to me. I lost alot recently, and was about to recover... and now my friend, you left first.

Stupid of me, but I have a feeling, a slight one, that.. I might probably join you soon. Of course I want to, but I guess we who have religion shall choose one that is the most natural right?

I do wish I could join you, you see..

Symir is there,
Wan, you know? Faiz's brother is there,
Ubai, my college roommate is there,
a few more I guess.. those I can't recall. Most of them, my friends;our friends, are there..














and more importantly,

Papa is there.

Just one little favor buddy.

Say hi to my papa for me will ya?

I'll join you guys soon.

Funny you know, because somehow,

I do feel that it won't take long..

but I have a promise to fulfill.

A promise to myself, and to you too, that I'll do my best to be a good guitarist and a good and cool musician.

Only Allah knows it'll happen or not,

or will I ever reach that destination..

After all, don't we all want to return to the place where we came from?

I'm happy for you Nik. Sampaikan salam to them, especially Papa alright.

We love you brother. Wait for me, wait for us there.

If only you knew how much meaning have you given to me and probably a few others.

Love you, bud. Rest in peace, Nik Hanif. You'll be remembered. I'll see you soon brother.

10.58 P.M. , 4th May, 2019.